I can't muster any funnies today. No witty sarcasm. No sunshine or rainbows. I'm just sad and pissed off. I HATE this disease. I hate what it's done to people I love, and I HATE what it's done to me. I tired ALL the time, if I manage to struggle my way to an appointment in town by myself and park in handicapped, I get dirty looks.
I'm exhausted, I'm burned out, I do WAY too much every day, I push my body and mind and emotions beyond their limits every. single. day. And now I'm told I need to do more.
Well, I can't. I've reached my limit in more than one way. I'm on the precipice of sanity. One person is NOT meant to carry this much burden.
Yes, I have God to carry my burdens. Yes, I know the verses and I know the songs. And I can do that, emotionally. But physically, I'M still the one here every day dealing with 100 things when my body can only do 30. So far, except for a couple of wonderful volunteers a couple of hours every other week, it's ALL on me.
And I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
June is MG Awareness month. And today, I want you to be AWARE that MG SUCKS!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Ode to Energy (Or the Lack ThereOf)
Energy, my energy...
Where oh where did you go?
You seem to have left me
Wand'ring 'tween to and fro.
I have dogs to take care of
And a boy child to raise!
You cannot continue
To sap all my days
Full of schooling and learning
And cleaning and chores!
Energy my energy,
I miss you much more
Than I ever could fathom
Tis' true, you can't know.
I used to be full of you
Now I can't even blow
A whistle, not one note!
Can't sing anymore either;
MG took the muscles
I need for my breather!
Energy my energy,
I wish you'd come back.
But MG antibodies
Went on the attack.
But there are some facets
Of life you can't touch.
Like the child I have
That I love so, so much.
And a husband who loves me
Through thick and through thin.
So, Sap-Sucking Energy
You never will win!
You can't take my spirit!
You can't take my joy!
You can't take my will
Or the Faith I employ
To keep fighting the fight
Of this chronic disease.
My God is my Strength!
So do as you please.
I know that I'm loved
By a host of dear friends.
But because of you, Energy,
This is The End.
All material on this blog is property of Kerri Sweeris and copyrighted as such.
Where oh where did you go?
You seem to have left me
Wand'ring 'tween to and fro.
I have dogs to take care of
And a boy child to raise!
You cannot continue
To sap all my days
Full of schooling and learning
And cleaning and chores!
Energy my energy,
I miss you much more
Than I ever could fathom
Tis' true, you can't know.
I used to be full of you
Now I can't even blow
A whistle, not one note!
Can't sing anymore either;
MG took the muscles
I need for my breather!
Energy my energy,
I wish you'd come back.
But MG antibodies
Went on the attack.
But there are some facets
Of life you can't touch.
Like the child I have
That I love so, so much.
And a husband who loves me
Through thick and through thin.
So, Sap-Sucking Energy
You never will win!
You can't take my spirit!
You can't take my joy!
You can't take my will
Or the Faith I employ
To keep fighting the fight
Of this chronic disease.
My God is my Strength!
So do as you please.
I know that I'm loved
By a host of dear friends.
But because of you, Energy,
This is The End.
All material on this blog is property of Kerri Sweeris and copyrighted as such.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Electricity
Electricity. We all take it for granted. But what happens when it's not there? For most, it's a mere inconvenience. But for a myasthenic, it can be life threatening.
We had a nasty storm last Thursday night. Right before midnight Friday, there was a rattling of windows and rain was pouring down. The house was literally shaking. I thought the air conditioner was going to fly right into the dining room through the window. It was insane.
And then it was dark.
Doug came down from upstairs; he had been asleep already. Jacob, bless his little heart, slept through the whole thing. Doug was looking around outside, and told me part of the walnut tree had fallen down.
In the morning, this is what we saw:
You can see how big the part that fell was by how small Doug looks!
The branches ripped the conduit and meter right off the house, not to mention the power line, which landed on Doug's truck. Thank God the power was out before the line fell. It would have been arcing and sparking all over the place.
This is where the massive branches were ripped off.
This is what is left standing of a 50-foot, probably 100 year old walnut tree. MORE than half of it fell. If it had fallen in another direction, it would have hit the house, smashed windows, destroyed the roof.... needless to say, the rest will be coming down as well.
Speaking of wells, there is ANOTHER miracle from God:
That silver thing sticking up is the cover to our well. There are branches all around it. If that tree had fallen 6 inches one way or the other, it would have smashed the well, and we would have had to repair THAT.
We did have to have an electrician come out and put the line back up, because Consumer's won't do that. For those of you reading this that aren't local, we have ONE electric company. And they are huge. And they don't care who you are.
For example: On my account, it shows that I have life support equipment in my home that requires electricity. I have several things that I NEED for survival that require electricity. My ventilator (which DOES have a six hour battery back-up, but when you're without power for 36 hours, that doesn't help much), my suction machine, my nebulizer, my cough assist, my VEST (aka shak-a-lator), my oxygen compressor and my oxygen concentrator.
At night, I have to have the vent or I quit breathing in my sleep. I have to have the oxygen, because even with the vent my oxygen desats to a dangerous level. Without the nebulizer and suction machine I would be unable to clear my airway. The cough assist and VEST prevent me from getting pneumonia (most of the time). Not to mention air conditioning, but they don't consider that life support.
So I called Consumer's to get a restoration update. I asked to speak with someone to make sure they saw my account was flagged as having life support equipment. The woman I spoke with said, "Yes, I see that on here. But that's really only for billing purposes." You see, we get a WHOPPING $5.00 discount a MONTH for all the machines that I run for my health; $5.00 total, not for each machine. That's why they need to know I'm on life support. Not to get the power on more quickly, but to give me $5.00 off my bill every month.
{crickets}.
REALLY??? Now, this was according to a customer service person answering a huge volume of calls during a widespread storm that caused a lot of damage. I'm assuming she was knocked on the head by something heavy, because if that indeed is true, heads. will. roll.
I have a call in to a guy at Consumer's who I spoke with about my previous debacle with Consumer's a few years ago. You can refresh your memory here and here. He did not return my call Friday, so I will give him one more day, call him at end of business tomorrow, and if I haven't heard from him by then, I shall have to go to the TV News and let them find the answers.
So while having no power was a pain in the butt, and I had two fitful nights of sleeplessness, God protected us in SO many ways by not allowing that tree to fall on our house, Doug's truck, or the well. Thank you Lord!
We had a nasty storm last Thursday night. Right before midnight Friday, there was a rattling of windows and rain was pouring down. The house was literally shaking. I thought the air conditioner was going to fly right into the dining room through the window. It was insane.
And then it was dark.
Doug came down from upstairs; he had been asleep already. Jacob, bless his little heart, slept through the whole thing. Doug was looking around outside, and told me part of the walnut tree had fallen down.
In the morning, this is what we saw:
Speaking of wells, there is ANOTHER miracle from God:
We did have to have an electrician come out and put the line back up, because Consumer's won't do that. For those of you reading this that aren't local, we have ONE electric company. And they are huge. And they don't care who you are.
For example: On my account, it shows that I have life support equipment in my home that requires electricity. I have several things that I NEED for survival that require electricity. My ventilator (which DOES have a six hour battery back-up, but when you're without power for 36 hours, that doesn't help much), my suction machine, my nebulizer, my cough assist, my VEST (aka shak-a-lator), my oxygen compressor and my oxygen concentrator.
At night, I have to have the vent or I quit breathing in my sleep. I have to have the oxygen, because even with the vent my oxygen desats to a dangerous level. Without the nebulizer and suction machine I would be unable to clear my airway. The cough assist and VEST prevent me from getting pneumonia (most of the time). Not to mention air conditioning, but they don't consider that life support.
So I called Consumer's to get a restoration update. I asked to speak with someone to make sure they saw my account was flagged as having life support equipment. The woman I spoke with said, "Yes, I see that on here. But that's really only for billing purposes." You see, we get a WHOPPING $5.00 discount a MONTH for all the machines that I run for my health; $5.00 total, not for each machine. That's why they need to know I'm on life support. Not to get the power on more quickly, but to give me $5.00 off my bill every month.
{crickets}.
REALLY??? Now, this was according to a customer service person answering a huge volume of calls during a widespread storm that caused a lot of damage. I'm assuming she was knocked on the head by something heavy, because if that indeed is true, heads. will. roll.
I have a call in to a guy at Consumer's who I spoke with about my previous debacle with Consumer's a few years ago. You can refresh your memory here and here. He did not return my call Friday, so I will give him one more day, call him at end of business tomorrow, and if I haven't heard from him by then, I shall have to go to the TV News and let them find the answers.
So while having no power was a pain in the butt, and I had two fitful nights of sleeplessness, God protected us in SO many ways by not allowing that tree to fall on our house, Doug's truck, or the well. Thank you Lord!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
My Pregnancy Story Part Five: The NICU
(reposted)
The moment I held my baby for the first time....time stood still. Nothing else mattered. It's as if the world faded away, and it was just me, and just him; this astounding little being that I had grown in my womb. I was overwhelmed with joy. Jacob Douglas Sweeris. He was mine. And I was his. Forever.
The doctors had not dealt with neonatal MG very often. I'm sure some were seeing their first case. They wanted to see if his condition could have been due to being a baby of a diabetic, which apparently has some of the same (milder) symptoms of neonatal MG. I knew better. I should have pushed. He was so floppy. No muscle tone. You know how most babies clench their little fists and wave their arms and kick their little legs? Jacob just lay there kind of splayed open like a little frog. But part of me wanted so desperately to believe that it WAS just the infant of a diabetic thing, and that in 5 days when I went home he would come with me. It was not to be.
For 5 days, I went to the NICU every 3 hours, to feed Jacob through his feeding tube. We changed his diaper. I was too weak to stand or walk, so I was still in a wheelchair, and on oxygen 24/7. Jacob looked so tiny, yet SO huge! Every other baby in the NICU was like 1 - 3 pounds, fighting for their tiny little lives. My hulk was 8.5, and 21 inches long! They had him in a bigger bed, because the little isolets were just too small!
I was exhausted, but nothing was going to stop me from being there every 3 hours to hold my son. I was getting very little sleep, and my anxiety was through the roof. Doug had to stay in my room overnight because I would have panic attack after panic attack. I would have parked in the NICU if I was strong enough to get there by myself. But no one would take me because of my condition, and I was supposed to be resting. Fat chance.
I was discharged on Saturday, August 19. Without my son. Just before we left, Jacob's main doctor came into my room and told me they were putting Jacob on a C-PAP machine (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) to help him breathe. His carbon dioxide levels were still too high. I cried.
As soon as we got home, the phone rang. It was Jacob's doctor again. The C-PAP wasn't working, so they put him on a ventilator. I cried harder.
The nights were the worst, because during the day, my mom would go up every morning and sit with Jacob, and sing to him. Doug and I would go up late morning, early afternoon, and stay til evening. Then we would go home, and try to go to bed.
My arms were empty, my belly was empty....I had just gone through this 40 week ordeal, and I had nothing to show for it. The ache in my heart was almost unbearable. We checked on Jacob every night around midnight by calling the NICU. I was healing from a C-section, still super-weak from the MG, and this was my life.
When I saw Jacob on the vent, I just bawled. I KNEW what it felt like, having been on a vent in the hospital in 2000 for several weeks. I KNEW it wasn't comfortable. I KNEW it was irritating and hurt, and it was hard to get comfortable. The entire time he was on the vent, I was the only one to hold him. I was not going to let him not be held just because he was on a vent. He had so little human contact, really....My mom was still going up every morning, God bless her. But I was the only one to hold him. I cried every day.
Finally they decided to do something called IVIG. I didn't want them to, because it didn't work my MY M.G., and I figured if Jacob had MY anitbodies, it wouldn't work for him either. And not only did it not work for me, it gave me a fever, flu-like symptoms and a migraine. Doug and I talked about it, and he thought we should try it. The doctors said it could very likely work for him, even if it didn't work for me. I finally gave in.
They got an IV in his foot, but it didn't stay put past the first day. IVIG is a 3-4 day treatment. So they had to put an IV in his little forehead. I have never been so sad in my whole life. I had to leave the room, or I probably would have killed someone. And the worst part of Jacob being on the vent? When he cried, which he RARELY did, they was no sound. You just saw this wrinkly little face, the little body tensing, but no sound. It was HORRIBLE! I truly thought my heart would break.
Most of Jacob's baby pictures are in Creative Memories albums, so I scanned a page so you can see my poor little boy. This was the MAIN reason I didn't want to birth my own child. I knew this could happen, but I NEVER envisioned it this bad. No one did. This was pretty much worst case scenario, once again.
We put Bible verses all around Jacob's crib, and prayed for him every day. Many of our friends and family were praying as well. The ONLY thing that kept me sane was that I KNEW Jacob would get better. All the other parents in the NICU didn't KNOW that. Every day Jacob was getting a little stronger, because every day was one day closer to when my antibodies would completely be out of his system.
The IVIG days were the worst. It did start improving after that. He went on and off the vent like 3 times...they thought he was strong enough, put him on the C-PAP (which he HATED because he had to wear this knit cap and have tubes blowing air up his nose. I've been on a C-PAP too, and they are miserable!
About 10 days before he went home, he was put in a big boy crib. It was metal, and small, but it was HUGE compared to the teeny isolets with the teeny babies in there. It was just tragic seeing those itty bitty babies...not knowing if they would make it or not. Sadness permeated my life at that time. One day when we got there Jacob was in a bright yellow bean bag, in his crib, batting at his mobile. It was one of the best sights I had ever seen! I remember the first time he kicked off his blanket! I was SO excited, because that meant he was getting stronger!
Little by little Jacob improved, and was able to get off the vent, and be on oxygen only. He still had the feeding tube, because he wasn't taking all of his feedings by bottle yet. I wasn't nursing because I had to get right back on my CellCept so I would be able to take care of this child! Eventually he was weaned off the oxygen. The only thing keeping him there was feeding. I was like, I want to take my baby HOME!!! I can tube feed him at home...everything else was fine. I had to really push to get him home, but I thought, they have had him long enough!!
So FINALLY, after 35 days, the day that Jacob was 5 weeks old, we got to take him home. That was probably the happiest day of my life. It was finally over.
Once we got Jacob home he thrived. He had his 6 week checkup on the 26th, and we pulled the feeding tube out that day. He was taking 90% of his feedings by bottle, and although it wasn't easy to feed him, we both felt like the tube was just getting in the way.
At his 6 week checkup, his pediatrician, who hadn't seen him yet (because he wasn't affiliated with Jacob's birth hospital) read through his chart before he came in. After he examined Jacob, he told us that unless he had read that chart, he never would have known that Jacob wasn't just a normal, healthy six week old baby. Hallelujah!
Jacob was a bit behind physically...His upper body remained weak for several months. But he was healthy, and whole, and perfect. He was SUCH a good baby. He only cried when he was tired, hungry or needed his diaper changed. He NEVER cried just to cry. He never fussed. He was amazing.
And he still is. I thank God every day for my wonderful gift. This priceless child named Jacob that came into my life and changed it forever. Of course I wish I could have spared him what he went though, but if we had to go through it to get my Jacob, it was worth it. He is the light of my life. Mommy loves you Jacob. More than you could ever know.
The moment I held my baby for the first time....time stood still. Nothing else mattered. It's as if the world faded away, and it was just me, and just him; this astounding little being that I had grown in my womb. I was overwhelmed with joy. Jacob Douglas Sweeris. He was mine. And I was his. Forever.
The doctors had not dealt with neonatal MG very often. I'm sure some were seeing their first case. They wanted to see if his condition could have been due to being a baby of a diabetic, which apparently has some of the same (milder) symptoms of neonatal MG. I knew better. I should have pushed. He was so floppy. No muscle tone. You know how most babies clench their little fists and wave their arms and kick their little legs? Jacob just lay there kind of splayed open like a little frog. But part of me wanted so desperately to believe that it WAS just the infant of a diabetic thing, and that in 5 days when I went home he would come with me. It was not to be.
For 5 days, I went to the NICU every 3 hours, to feed Jacob through his feeding tube. We changed his diaper. I was too weak to stand or walk, so I was still in a wheelchair, and on oxygen 24/7. Jacob looked so tiny, yet SO huge! Every other baby in the NICU was like 1 - 3 pounds, fighting for their tiny little lives. My hulk was 8.5, and 21 inches long! They had him in a bigger bed, because the little isolets were just too small!
I was exhausted, but nothing was going to stop me from being there every 3 hours to hold my son. I was getting very little sleep, and my anxiety was through the roof. Doug had to stay in my room overnight because I would have panic attack after panic attack. I would have parked in the NICU if I was strong enough to get there by myself. But no one would take me because of my condition, and I was supposed to be resting. Fat chance.
I was discharged on Saturday, August 19. Without my son. Just before we left, Jacob's main doctor came into my room and told me they were putting Jacob on a C-PAP machine (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) to help him breathe. His carbon dioxide levels were still too high. I cried.
As soon as we got home, the phone rang. It was Jacob's doctor again. The C-PAP wasn't working, so they put him on a ventilator. I cried harder.
The nights were the worst, because during the day, my mom would go up every morning and sit with Jacob, and sing to him. Doug and I would go up late morning, early afternoon, and stay til evening. Then we would go home, and try to go to bed.
My arms were empty, my belly was empty....I had just gone through this 40 week ordeal, and I had nothing to show for it. The ache in my heart was almost unbearable. We checked on Jacob every night around midnight by calling the NICU. I was healing from a C-section, still super-weak from the MG, and this was my life.
When I saw Jacob on the vent, I just bawled. I KNEW what it felt like, having been on a vent in the hospital in 2000 for several weeks. I KNEW it wasn't comfortable. I KNEW it was irritating and hurt, and it was hard to get comfortable. The entire time he was on the vent, I was the only one to hold him. I was not going to let him not be held just because he was on a vent. He had so little human contact, really....My mom was still going up every morning, God bless her. But I was the only one to hold him. I cried every day.
Finally they decided to do something called IVIG. I didn't want them to, because it didn't work my MY M.G., and I figured if Jacob had MY anitbodies, it wouldn't work for him either. And not only did it not work for me, it gave me a fever, flu-like symptoms and a migraine. Doug and I talked about it, and he thought we should try it. The doctors said it could very likely work for him, even if it didn't work for me. I finally gave in.
They got an IV in his foot, but it didn't stay put past the first day. IVIG is a 3-4 day treatment. So they had to put an IV in his little forehead. I have never been so sad in my whole life. I had to leave the room, or I probably would have killed someone. And the worst part of Jacob being on the vent? When he cried, which he RARELY did, they was no sound. You just saw this wrinkly little face, the little body tensing, but no sound. It was HORRIBLE! I truly thought my heart would break.
Most of Jacob's baby pictures are in Creative Memories albums, so I scanned a page so you can see my poor little boy. This was the MAIN reason I didn't want to birth my own child. I knew this could happen, but I NEVER envisioned it this bad. No one did. This was pretty much worst case scenario, once again.
We put Bible verses all around Jacob's crib, and prayed for him every day. Many of our friends and family were praying as well. The ONLY thing that kept me sane was that I KNEW Jacob would get better. All the other parents in the NICU didn't KNOW that. Every day Jacob was getting a little stronger, because every day was one day closer to when my antibodies would completely be out of his system.
The IVIG days were the worst. It did start improving after that. He went on and off the vent like 3 times...they thought he was strong enough, put him on the C-PAP (which he HATED because he had to wear this knit cap and have tubes blowing air up his nose. I've been on a C-PAP too, and they are miserable!
About 10 days before he went home, he was put in a big boy crib. It was metal, and small, but it was HUGE compared to the teeny isolets with the teeny babies in there. It was just tragic seeing those itty bitty babies...not knowing if they would make it or not. Sadness permeated my life at that time. One day when we got there Jacob was in a bright yellow bean bag, in his crib, batting at his mobile. It was one of the best sights I had ever seen! I remember the first time he kicked off his blanket! I was SO excited, because that meant he was getting stronger!
Little by little Jacob improved, and was able to get off the vent, and be on oxygen only. He still had the feeding tube, because he wasn't taking all of his feedings by bottle yet. I wasn't nursing because I had to get right back on my CellCept so I would be able to take care of this child! Eventually he was weaned off the oxygen. The only thing keeping him there was feeding. I was like, I want to take my baby HOME!!! I can tube feed him at home...everything else was fine. I had to really push to get him home, but I thought, they have had him long enough!!
So FINALLY, after 35 days, the day that Jacob was 5 weeks old, we got to take him home. That was probably the happiest day of my life. It was finally over.
Once we got Jacob home he thrived. He had his 6 week checkup on the 26th, and we pulled the feeding tube out that day. He was taking 90% of his feedings by bottle, and although it wasn't easy to feed him, we both felt like the tube was just getting in the way.
At his 6 week checkup, his pediatrician, who hadn't seen him yet (because he wasn't affiliated with Jacob's birth hospital) read through his chart before he came in. After he examined Jacob, he told us that unless he had read that chart, he never would have known that Jacob wasn't just a normal, healthy six week old baby. Hallelujah!
Jacob was a bit behind physically...His upper body remained weak for several months. But he was healthy, and whole, and perfect. He was SUCH a good baby. He only cried when he was tired, hungry or needed his diaper changed. He NEVER cried just to cry. He never fussed. He was amazing.
And he still is. I thank God every day for my wonderful gift. This priceless child named Jacob that came into my life and changed it forever. Of course I wish I could have spared him what he went though, but if we had to go through it to get my Jacob, it was worth it. He is the light of my life. Mommy loves you Jacob. More than you could ever know.
Friday, June 14, 2013
My MG Pregnancy Story Part Four: Birth and Aftermath
(reposted)
So we check in at 0'dark thirty and get to a room. They try Cytotek one last time, as I have dilated to one. At noon, they started pitocin, because there was no further reaction from the Cytotek. They started at a fairly low dose, and increased it by 4 units every hour. I think I was up to 32, which is quite high if I remember correctly. I was having contractions, but nothing to write home about. No further dilation, no effacing, nothing.
At 6 PM they stopped the pit so I could eat supper. Then at 10PM, they started it up again. If you've never had a baby, imagine trying to sleep with a baby heartbeat monitor wrapped around your belly, plus another wrap to measure any contractions, and being on pitocin (a medicine to stimulate labor) all. night.long. Needless to say, I did not sleep. No sleep + MG = nothing good.
Tuesday, August 15 arrives. They check me again in the morning. Nada. They crank up the pit again. At about 10:30 they manage to break my water, even though I was still only dilated to one. Now THAT is a bizarre feeling.
I continued to have contractions, and about 1:00-1:30 I got my epidural. We were a bit concerned about having an epi, but the docs recommended it as the safest way for me, because if I had to deal with the pain on top of the stress, the MG would flare like crazy and I wouldn't have a prayer of delivering without a C-section. It was a little scary, because at first I couldn't move my legs at all...but Doug helped me find a better position and I was okay.
Obviously I'm tired. Borderline exhaustion. My spirits are still pretty good, but I'm fading FAST. At about 2:30, Dr. Lavery came in and checked again. No progress. So I said what are we looking at? He basically said if I started dilating right then, it would probably be 4-6 hours til I was at 10, then a minimum of 3 hours pushing. I looked at my husband, looked at the doc, and said, "I'm done. C-section please." By this time, I was not strong enough to talk. I had to write everything, or whisper.
The anesthesiologist was AMAZING. I was so scared about not being able to breathe, especially with the epidural, in the operating room...and to be awake for it all! So he said he would give me something to knock me out for like 10 seconds, take out the trach, put the ET tube in, get me on the vent, and wake me back up. I was like, okay. This was the worst case scenario that my neurologist had mentioned: delivering by C-section on a vent. I remember when he told me that I was like, nah, that couldn't be me!. Um, right.
However, the anesth. said, "Okay kiddo, your oxygen numbers are great. I'm going to lean you back just a little bit." So he did, and I was okay. After a few minutes, he put me back a little further. And waited....let my body acclimate to that position. He told me my oxygen numbers were still good. I was terrified, but many people were praying for me, and I KNOW God sent this doc to me. He was so awesome...I was at peace the moment I saw him. I immediately trusted him...and I don't trust doctors. I make them earn it, believe me.
So here we are going back bit by bit, and while it was a bit more difficult to breathe, I was doing it, and soon enough I was lying flat enough to have the C-section, NO VENT. This was truly a miracle, folks. Honest to God miracle. There was no natural way I should have been able to breathe lying flat on my back. No way. Except God's way.
I was so excited that I could be awake, and even talk, (well, whisper) during the delivery. Had I been on the vent, talking would have been impossible.
Doug was by my side (And he looked awfully cute in those doctor scrubs!) There were LOTS of people in there....my doctor, several nurses, helpers, more helpers, the docs from the NICU for Jacob, and The Giant.
The Giant was this huge man standing to my right. He was the Pusher. Dr. Lavery made the incision, and the Pusher started up by my breastbone, and started a downward pushing movement to get Jacob out. He was about 6'7", maybe 280. One of the man's hands were larger than my entire head. And he had both of them on my pregnant belly, pushing downward, squishing Jacob out. The entire gurney was moving. The man was HUGE. It didn't hurt at all, it was just this intense pressure. Crazy.
I will NEVER in.my.life. forget the moment they showed Jacob to me. (After they got him to let go of Dr. Lavery's finger with his mouth! He was biting the poor man!!) They lifted up this child. This amazing, wrinkly, pasty, beautiful, perfect, black-curly-haired, chubby cheeked angel and showed me my baby. Oh, that moment. Still brings tears to my eyes. I never EVER dreamed this was even possible, and here we were. I wanted that moment to freeze.
Unfortunately it didn't. Jacob was crying, which was a good sign, and his Apgars were okay, but not great. They whisked him off to the NICU, which I was prepared for, but it still stunk. I made Doug go with the baby while they stitched (rather stapled) me up and brought me to recovery. I was shaking so hard! I remember them telling me it was normal...but it was not fun!
I ended up being in recovery until midnight, because my heartbeat was too fast and they couldn't get it to slow down. I was severly dehydrated, and I drank a LOT...which helped the heartbeat go down, and I could finally go to my room. We had collected Jacob's cord blood at the time of birth to be cryogenically stored, so the box was on the counter waiting for the courier to pick it up. At the time, there were over 40 diseases that cord blood could cure for the person it came from. I'm sure there are even more today.
On the way to my room, they pushed me in my bed through the NICU so I could see my boy... I had only seen him the one peek in the operating room. I put my hand in the incubator (which he was WAY too big for!) and he grabbed my hand. Not tightly, but he kinda grabbed it. He had oxygen on, and a feeding tube in, because he couldn't suck. This was part of neonatal MG. He had it. I knew it right then. They weren't willing to come to that conclusion immediately, but in my heart I knew.
I slept fitfully that night, my arms crying out for the child I had just brought into this world. That, and the nurses coming in to push on my tummy to get my uterus to shrink back. Not so fun. It honestly didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting it to...but maybe I was just preoccupied.
The next day, as soon as I was able, I went to the NICU so I could hold my baby for the first time. I could.not.believe. it. This tiny miracle was MINE. I got to KEEP him! He was perfect. Big chubby cheeks...thick, black curly hair....perfect.
The next few days would tell the story....little did I know that I would be in for the most difficult journey of.my.life.
So we check in at 0'dark thirty and get to a room. They try Cytotek one last time, as I have dilated to one. At noon, they started pitocin, because there was no further reaction from the Cytotek. They started at a fairly low dose, and increased it by 4 units every hour. I think I was up to 32, which is quite high if I remember correctly. I was having contractions, but nothing to write home about. No further dilation, no effacing, nothing.
At 6 PM they stopped the pit so I could eat supper. Then at 10PM, they started it up again. If you've never had a baby, imagine trying to sleep with a baby heartbeat monitor wrapped around your belly, plus another wrap to measure any contractions, and being on pitocin (a medicine to stimulate labor) all. night.long. Needless to say, I did not sleep. No sleep + MG = nothing good.
Tuesday, August 15 arrives. They check me again in the morning. Nada. They crank up the pit again. At about 10:30 they manage to break my water, even though I was still only dilated to one. Now THAT is a bizarre feeling.
I continued to have contractions, and about 1:00-1:30 I got my epidural. We were a bit concerned about having an epi, but the docs recommended it as the safest way for me, because if I had to deal with the pain on top of the stress, the MG would flare like crazy and I wouldn't have a prayer of delivering without a C-section. It was a little scary, because at first I couldn't move my legs at all...but Doug helped me find a better position and I was okay.
Obviously I'm tired. Borderline exhaustion. My spirits are still pretty good, but I'm fading FAST. At about 2:30, Dr. Lavery came in and checked again. No progress. So I said what are we looking at? He basically said if I started dilating right then, it would probably be 4-6 hours til I was at 10, then a minimum of 3 hours pushing. I looked at my husband, looked at the doc, and said, "I'm done. C-section please." By this time, I was not strong enough to talk. I had to write everything, or whisper.
The anesthesiologist was AMAZING. I was so scared about not being able to breathe, especially with the epidural, in the operating room...and to be awake for it all! So he said he would give me something to knock me out for like 10 seconds, take out the trach, put the ET tube in, get me on the vent, and wake me back up. I was like, okay. This was the worst case scenario that my neurologist had mentioned: delivering by C-section on a vent. I remember when he told me that I was like, nah, that couldn't be me!. Um, right.
However, the anesth. said, "Okay kiddo, your oxygen numbers are great. I'm going to lean you back just a little bit." So he did, and I was okay. After a few minutes, he put me back a little further. And waited....let my body acclimate to that position. He told me my oxygen numbers were still good. I was terrified, but many people were praying for me, and I KNOW God sent this doc to me. He was so awesome...I was at peace the moment I saw him. I immediately trusted him...and I don't trust doctors. I make them earn it, believe me.
So here we are going back bit by bit, and while it was a bit more difficult to breathe, I was doing it, and soon enough I was lying flat enough to have the C-section, NO VENT. This was truly a miracle, folks. Honest to God miracle. There was no natural way I should have been able to breathe lying flat on my back. No way. Except God's way.
I was so excited that I could be awake, and even talk, (well, whisper) during the delivery. Had I been on the vent, talking would have been impossible.
Doug was by my side (And he looked awfully cute in those doctor scrubs!) There were LOTS of people in there....my doctor, several nurses, helpers, more helpers, the docs from the NICU for Jacob, and The Giant.
The Giant was this huge man standing to my right. He was the Pusher. Dr. Lavery made the incision, and the Pusher started up by my breastbone, and started a downward pushing movement to get Jacob out. He was about 6'7", maybe 280. One of the man's hands were larger than my entire head. And he had both of them on my pregnant belly, pushing downward, squishing Jacob out. The entire gurney was moving. The man was HUGE. It didn't hurt at all, it was just this intense pressure. Crazy.
I will NEVER in.my.life. forget the moment they showed Jacob to me. (After they got him to let go of Dr. Lavery's finger with his mouth! He was biting the poor man!!) They lifted up this child. This amazing, wrinkly, pasty, beautiful, perfect, black-curly-haired, chubby cheeked angel and showed me my baby. Oh, that moment. Still brings tears to my eyes. I never EVER dreamed this was even possible, and here we were. I wanted that moment to freeze.
Unfortunately it didn't. Jacob was crying, which was a good sign, and his Apgars were okay, but not great. They whisked him off to the NICU, which I was prepared for, but it still stunk. I made Doug go with the baby while they stitched (rather stapled) me up and brought me to recovery. I was shaking so hard! I remember them telling me it was normal...but it was not fun!
I ended up being in recovery until midnight, because my heartbeat was too fast and they couldn't get it to slow down. I was severly dehydrated, and I drank a LOT...which helped the heartbeat go down, and I could finally go to my room. We had collected Jacob's cord blood at the time of birth to be cryogenically stored, so the box was on the counter waiting for the courier to pick it up. At the time, there were over 40 diseases that cord blood could cure for the person it came from. I'm sure there are even more today.
On the way to my room, they pushed me in my bed through the NICU so I could see my boy... I had only seen him the one peek in the operating room. I put my hand in the incubator (which he was WAY too big for!) and he grabbed my hand. Not tightly, but he kinda grabbed it. He had oxygen on, and a feeding tube in, because he couldn't suck. This was part of neonatal MG. He had it. I knew it right then. They weren't willing to come to that conclusion immediately, but in my heart I knew.
I slept fitfully that night, my arms crying out for the child I had just brought into this world. That, and the nurses coming in to push on my tummy to get my uterus to shrink back. Not so fun. It honestly didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting it to...but maybe I was just preoccupied.
The next day, as soon as I was able, I went to the NICU so I could hold my baby for the first time. I could.not.believe. it. This tiny miracle was MINE. I got to KEEP him! He was perfect. Big chubby cheeks...thick, black curly hair....perfect.
The next few days would tell the story....little did I know that I would be in for the most difficult journey of.my.life.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
My MG Pregnancy Story Part Three
(reposted)
So it's Saturday night, December 10, 2005, and I just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty much sitting on the couch, staring at Doug with this silly grin on my face. I'm more excited and happier than I've ever been in my life, yet scared out of my mind at the same time.
Doug says, "Now don't go telling the whole world until we go to the doctor."
Um, right.
Church was the next morning. The first person I see is my friend Kim...she was 6 weeks pregnant with her second child (turned out to be second AND third child, but we didn't know that then). She knew we were trying. She was standing right in front of me as I walked through the door, and I just looked at her, and tipped my head to go into an empty classroom. She just dropped her jaw and said, "NO WAY!!!" She totally knew before I said a word.
I just couldn't keep this ear to ear grin off my face...I didn't even have to tell many people, they just guessed by the way I was acting. People also said that they had never before seen Doug walk so tall.
Ended up that after church a bunch of people were taking the pastor and his wife out for lunch, so most of my church friends were all in one spot. Of course the whole world knew before noon. : ) I couldn't help myself!
Then we called my best friend Linda, and my mom and dad...my sisters, my brother in California...I called the doctor on Monday, and was shocked that they didn't want to see me until January 10, when I would be six weeks along. I assumed they would want to see me right away.
So I went on the 10th, and we heard the heartbeat. Oh.My.Gosh. What an amazing thing. I just could NOT believe it. I also had an ultrasound. They would be doing lots and lots of these, which was awesome, because I got to see the baby grow month by month. I could have done a small baby book just with ultrasound pictures! (We never did get the 3-D one though...too expensive... plus we had SO many regular ones, we felt like we knew what he looked like anyway!)
I had gone off the CellCept in June...I remember going to Bible study once in March, and having 3 showers in April. By the last shower, I could no longer speak clearly. The girls writing down who gave me what couldn't understand a word I said. I was exhausted. From the beginning of April on, I pretty much did nothing but go to the doctor. My favorite uncle was in the hospital, and I only made it up to see him once. He ended up passing away, and I didn't make it to the funeral. I got to the funeral home, but I looked and felt awful. I wished I could have done so much more for my Aunt. I felt horrible. Love you Aunt Dee....Miss you Uncle Gordy!
At my 18 week ultrasound, we found out what we were having....a boy!!! I was SO SO happy. I knew I was only going to do this one time around, and I wanted so badly for Doug to have a boy. YAY! We had names picked out already: Olivia Michelle if it was a girl, and Jacob Douglas (Jacob for Doug's grandpa, and Douglas well, for Doug!). Jacob was VERY cooperative during the ultrasound. Buns up, legs wide open....already an exhibitionist! At the 22 weeks ultrasound, we could see his cheeks! I kid you not! Jacob had the biggest chubby cheeks I had ever seen. Precious!!!
The pregnancy really went amazingly well all things considering. My blood sugar stayed fantastic, my blood pressure was good, and I only gained 17 pounds. THAT was a miracle. I was SURE I would gain 100 at least. Nope. SEVENTEEN. My metabolism went through the roof! My favortie thing to eat was strawberries. I would eat a bowlful a day. I also loved cheese crackers.
I only threw up one time, and that was at 7 months.
We ate mainly venison (before we started raising beef), and I LOVED it. However, while I was pregnant, I couldn't eat it.
Even though my sense of smell was hampered by the trach, I had a bionic nose. Eww. One of my LEAST favorite things about being pregnant.
My biggest fear was that Jacob would be born with transient neonatal myasthenia gravis. Bascially that means he would temporarily have MG until his maternal antibodies went away. We met with a neonatologist, and were told that the chances of Jacob having it were 1 in 7. I went online and looked up whatever I could. The average stay in the NICU for a baby with neonatal MG was about 18 days. This was one of the main reasons I didn't want to try to have my own child. It was terrifying thinking that Jacob would have to deal with what I did, but only being a tiny baby. The only thing that kept me sane was knowing he would fully recover, and never have to deal with it again. I was still scared to death.
We were going to try to have a natural delivery, but I had doubts the whole time about being strong enough to push. I couldn't imagine.
My midwife was extremely conscientious about me, preparing for every possibility. If I DID have to have a C-section, it would be in the main OR, not the labor and delivery ward. I had to get an ET (endo tracheal) tube for my trach, thinking that if I had to have a C-section, they would have to take out my trach, put the ET tube in, blow up the cuff and put me on a vent during the procedure because I couldn't breathe laying flat when I WASN'T pregnant!! That part scared me silly, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Just pray and trust.
Finally August rolled around. I was due the 21st, but we decided to induce on the 14th. We had to be at the hospital at like 6 or 7 in the morning. Ug. The Friday before, at the doctor, they used Cytotek to gradually start things going. I kind of cramped all weekend, went in to the hospital Saturday (the 12th) for another dose, stayed home Sunday, and then checked in to the hospital on Monday.
And then.......
If you missed Part One Click HERE
If you missed Part Two Click HERE
So it's Saturday night, December 10, 2005, and I just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty much sitting on the couch, staring at Doug with this silly grin on my face. I'm more excited and happier than I've ever been in my life, yet scared out of my mind at the same time.
Doug says, "Now don't go telling the whole world until we go to the doctor."
Um, right.
Church was the next morning. The first person I see is my friend Kim...she was 6 weeks pregnant with her second child (turned out to be second AND third child, but we didn't know that then). She knew we were trying. She was standing right in front of me as I walked through the door, and I just looked at her, and tipped my head to go into an empty classroom. She just dropped her jaw and said, "NO WAY!!!" She totally knew before I said a word.
I just couldn't keep this ear to ear grin off my face...I didn't even have to tell many people, they just guessed by the way I was acting. People also said that they had never before seen Doug walk so tall.
Ended up that after church a bunch of people were taking the pastor and his wife out for lunch, so most of my church friends were all in one spot. Of course the whole world knew before noon. : ) I couldn't help myself!
Then we called my best friend Linda, and my mom and dad...my sisters, my brother in California...I called the doctor on Monday, and was shocked that they didn't want to see me until January 10, when I would be six weeks along. I assumed they would want to see me right away.
So I went on the 10th, and we heard the heartbeat. Oh.My.Gosh. What an amazing thing. I just could NOT believe it. I also had an ultrasound. They would be doing lots and lots of these, which was awesome, because I got to see the baby grow month by month. I could have done a small baby book just with ultrasound pictures! (We never did get the 3-D one though...too expensive... plus we had SO many regular ones, we felt like we knew what he looked like anyway!)
I had gone off the CellCept in June...I remember going to Bible study once in March, and having 3 showers in April. By the last shower, I could no longer speak clearly. The girls writing down who gave me what couldn't understand a word I said. I was exhausted. From the beginning of April on, I pretty much did nothing but go to the doctor. My favorite uncle was in the hospital, and I only made it up to see him once. He ended up passing away, and I didn't make it to the funeral. I got to the funeral home, but I looked and felt awful. I wished I could have done so much more for my Aunt. I felt horrible. Love you Aunt Dee....Miss you Uncle Gordy!
At my 18 week ultrasound, we found out what we were having....a boy!!! I was SO SO happy. I knew I was only going to do this one time around, and I wanted so badly for Doug to have a boy. YAY! We had names picked out already: Olivia Michelle if it was a girl, and Jacob Douglas (Jacob for Doug's grandpa, and Douglas well, for Doug!). Jacob was VERY cooperative during the ultrasound. Buns up, legs wide open....already an exhibitionist! At the 22 weeks ultrasound, we could see his cheeks! I kid you not! Jacob had the biggest chubby cheeks I had ever seen. Precious!!!
The pregnancy really went amazingly well all things considering. My blood sugar stayed fantastic, my blood pressure was good, and I only gained 17 pounds. THAT was a miracle. I was SURE I would gain 100 at least. Nope. SEVENTEEN. My metabolism went through the roof! My favortie thing to eat was strawberries. I would eat a bowlful a day. I also loved cheese crackers.
I only threw up one time, and that was at 7 months.
We ate mainly venison (before we started raising beef), and I LOVED it. However, while I was pregnant, I couldn't eat it.
Even though my sense of smell was hampered by the trach, I had a bionic nose. Eww. One of my LEAST favorite things about being pregnant.
My biggest fear was that Jacob would be born with transient neonatal myasthenia gravis. Bascially that means he would temporarily have MG until his maternal antibodies went away. We met with a neonatologist, and were told that the chances of Jacob having it were 1 in 7. I went online and looked up whatever I could. The average stay in the NICU for a baby with neonatal MG was about 18 days. This was one of the main reasons I didn't want to try to have my own child. It was terrifying thinking that Jacob would have to deal with what I did, but only being a tiny baby. The only thing that kept me sane was knowing he would fully recover, and never have to deal with it again. I was still scared to death.
We were going to try to have a natural delivery, but I had doubts the whole time about being strong enough to push. I couldn't imagine.
My midwife was extremely conscientious about me, preparing for every possibility. If I DID have to have a C-section, it would be in the main OR, not the labor and delivery ward. I had to get an ET (endo tracheal) tube for my trach, thinking that if I had to have a C-section, they would have to take out my trach, put the ET tube in, blow up the cuff and put me on a vent during the procedure because I couldn't breathe laying flat when I WASN'T pregnant!! That part scared me silly, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Just pray and trust.
Finally August rolled around. I was due the 21st, but we decided to induce on the 14th. We had to be at the hospital at like 6 or 7 in the morning. Ug. The Friday before, at the doctor, they used Cytotek to gradually start things going. I kind of cramped all weekend, went in to the hospital Saturday (the 12th) for another dose, stayed home Sunday, and then checked in to the hospital on Monday.
And then.......
If you missed Part One Click HERE
If you missed Part Two Click HERE
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
My MG Pregnancy Story Part Two
(reposted)
Okay....so we left off at the fertility clinic, in the room, getting the ultrasound, searching for the number of eggs able to be retrieved for in vitro. To give you a hint, my friend had this done and she produced at least 30 each time.
And they found.........one. One. Uno. Eins. Een. Jeden. Un.
Yah. I was devastated. And I was alone. I left in a state of shock. We were just SO sure this was going to work. I didn't respond to the fertility drugs. Apparently I couldn't have a baby. I went home and took the few baby things I had gotten (an adorable giraffe that said the "Now I Lay Me" prayer, and a little baby toy someone had given us when we told them what we were doing). I gave them to Doug and told him to burn them. (He didn't, but he got them out of my sight).
It was almost a year of getting over the disappointment, trying to figure out what was next....I really didn't know how important it was to Doug to have his own biological child. To me, any child would be mine if I raised it and loved it. I never had a strong desire to HAVE children...I just wanted them. Lots of them. Having this infernal disease was going to make that very difficult.
In May of 2005, after seeking God and lots of prayers on my part, on my friends' parts, my family, etc., I very clearly heard God tell me to "submit to my husband" in the area of the baby. I was like a child dragging their feet..."Fine," I thought.
I told Doug we could try "the old fashioned way" but I would only try for one year, and then we would adopt. I had it so stuck in my mind that I couldn't get pregnant...but there I go again, playing God when I should know better!
We had to start with my neurologist, who gave us the okay after four months of being off my CellCept. I had to go off my anti-depressants (which I very soon had to go on a pregnancy safe one because I was losing my mind). I had to go on a blood pressure medication, start seeing a perinatologist (high risk OB people), and had to go on insulin. The insulin made me gain 20 pounds before I we even started trying, so I was not very happy.
Speaking of high risk, I had all these factors: obviously the MG, I was diabetic, I was 35....three BIG factors in a high risk pregnancy.
Both of my sisters gained like 100 pounds with their pregnancies, and I'm thinking, "I can't even move (I really went downhill off the CellCept)...I'm going to gain 150 pounds." I was nervous, to say the least.
We started trying in October of 2005. I took a test in October, which I shouldn't have, because it was negative, and I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. I still didn't really WANT to be pregnant. I was terrified! And my family thought I was crazy...they were very concerned about my health. In November I got my period before I even thought about testing, so I knew then that I wasn't pregnant.
On December 10, we had a Michigan MG meeting in Dundee, Michigan. Well, in Dundee there is a Cabela's. I love Cabela's. What I didn't know what that it was like Cabela Club Member Day and there were about 420,000 peeople in the store. We didn't even want to walk around, and the lines were to the back of the store. It's a BIIIIIG store... We only needed a few things, so I got in line right away, and Doug went to get the stuff. It didn't help that I was having THE worst case of PMS EVER, and I was ready to kill everyone I looked at. I hate crowds ordinarily, but this was a special kind of hatred. I was supposed to get my period that day, so I was just waiting. I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant because of the PMS from hell.
Well. We got home about 9:30PM, and still no period. I was going to test in the morning, Sunday. I couldn't wait. I just wanted to get it overwith so I didn't wonder all night long. I would cry a little, then go to bed. So I got the test out, peed, and put the stick on the counter.
To my shock, amazement, and utter glee (which I wasn't expecting) a big ol' PLUS sign showed up. I just sat there for a minute. I was actually speechless. For those of you who know me well, that NEVER happens. I brought the stick into the living room where Doug was watching TV. I gave him the stick, and he just looked at it.
He said, "What does this mean?"
And with great delight I replied, "What do you think it means.....Daddy???"
To be continued.....
Okay....so we left off at the fertility clinic, in the room, getting the ultrasound, searching for the number of eggs able to be retrieved for in vitro. To give you a hint, my friend had this done and she produced at least 30 each time.
And they found.........one. One. Uno. Eins. Een. Jeden. Un.
Yah. I was devastated. And I was alone. I left in a state of shock. We were just SO sure this was going to work. I didn't respond to the fertility drugs. Apparently I couldn't have a baby. I went home and took the few baby things I had gotten (an adorable giraffe that said the "Now I Lay Me" prayer, and a little baby toy someone had given us when we told them what we were doing). I gave them to Doug and told him to burn them. (He didn't, but he got them out of my sight).
It was almost a year of getting over the disappointment, trying to figure out what was next....I really didn't know how important it was to Doug to have his own biological child. To me, any child would be mine if I raised it and loved it. I never had a strong desire to HAVE children...I just wanted them. Lots of them. Having this infernal disease was going to make that very difficult.
In May of 2005, after seeking God and lots of prayers on my part, on my friends' parts, my family, etc., I very clearly heard God tell me to "submit to my husband" in the area of the baby. I was like a child dragging their feet..."Fine," I thought.
I told Doug we could try "the old fashioned way" but I would only try for one year, and then we would adopt. I had it so stuck in my mind that I couldn't get pregnant...but there I go again, playing God when I should know better!
We had to start with my neurologist, who gave us the okay after four months of being off my CellCept. I had to go off my anti-depressants (which I very soon had to go on a pregnancy safe one because I was losing my mind). I had to go on a blood pressure medication, start seeing a perinatologist (high risk OB people), and had to go on insulin. The insulin made me gain 20 pounds before I we even started trying, so I was not very happy.
Speaking of high risk, I had all these factors: obviously the MG, I was diabetic, I was 35....three BIG factors in a high risk pregnancy.
Both of my sisters gained like 100 pounds with their pregnancies, and I'm thinking, "I can't even move (I really went downhill off the CellCept)...I'm going to gain 150 pounds." I was nervous, to say the least.
We started trying in October of 2005. I took a test in October, which I shouldn't have, because it was negative, and I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. I still didn't really WANT to be pregnant. I was terrified! And my family thought I was crazy...they were very concerned about my health. In November I got my period before I even thought about testing, so I knew then that I wasn't pregnant.
On December 10, we had a Michigan MG meeting in Dundee, Michigan. Well, in Dundee there is a Cabela's. I love Cabela's. What I didn't know what that it was like Cabela Club Member Day and there were about 420,000 peeople in the store. We didn't even want to walk around, and the lines were to the back of the store. It's a BIIIIIG store... We only needed a few things, so I got in line right away, and Doug went to get the stuff. It didn't help that I was having THE worst case of PMS EVER, and I was ready to kill everyone I looked at. I hate crowds ordinarily, but this was a special kind of hatred. I was supposed to get my period that day, so I was just waiting. I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant because of the PMS from hell.
Well. We got home about 9:30PM, and still no period. I was going to test in the morning, Sunday. I couldn't wait. I just wanted to get it overwith so I didn't wonder all night long. I would cry a little, then go to bed. So I got the test out, peed, and put the stick on the counter.
To my shock, amazement, and utter glee (which I wasn't expecting) a big ol' PLUS sign showed up. I just sat there for a minute. I was actually speechless. For those of you who know me well, that NEVER happens. I brought the stick into the living room where Doug was watching TV. I gave him the stick, and he just looked at it.
He said, "What does this mean?"
And with great delight I replied, "What do you think it means.....Daddy???"
To be continued.....
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